Saw this entry at yihui's blog... super like it...

What If...
26/09/06 8:53 AM

What if you went off for awhile and returned to find me missing?

What if you wake up and find that I'm not there?

Would you panic? Would your heart skip a beat? Would you be engulfed by a wave of immense fear, and buckle as the world comes tumbling down?

... Or would you sit around for awhile in a daze, thinking, finding that it was all a dream, and I was never really there? Would you just pause to weep, then move along?

I don't want to be but a ghost.
LIdeLIgong, HUAyuHUAwan
posted by shinoda_yihui at 26/09/06 8:53

Here's my reply to her entry...

Were u there?

When i was back, u were gone...

Admist my sleep, u had vanished into thin air...

Perhaps u have witnessed my search for u, perhaps u did call me but, i can't hear ur voice...

Did u try to give me a reassuring pat to indicate your presence? It seemed that i had lost my ability to touch or feel u ever again...

I sat down, pondering to myself. As u drift away, in the direction of the rainbow, did ur memories of me slowly dissovle like mine for u...

Was I in love with a ghost?
GengZhaChuanTong kaIchuanGweIlaI
posted by soh_krunchy at 27/09/06 21:30

I am being hypocritical... circumstances forces me to be liddat but i really hate it!!

Hmm.. i supposed only to close friends i will dare to cancel an appointment or give an outright refusal for a meeting to meet up and give the reason that i dun feel like gg or i am lazy...

many a times, i dun feel like gg out cos i am lazy or i juz suddenly dun feel like it... but am forced to go cos it will reflect bad on me if i suddenly cancel a meeting... only with close frenz who know me then i will be more assured that they wont think badly of me juz becos of this decision...

so am i taking advantage of my close friends? or is it a reasonable act that shows i am comfortable to be my true self in front of them?

Hehe... WaT mv... haha... see... i am addicted over youtube!!

Oh man... YOUTUBE is super addictive...

haha... thanks to jieyi who gimme a link to youtube abt WaT performance, and i am stucked to youtube...



this is very very nice... haha... very funny also...

hmm... writing i am soooo busy here... cos if write in grp blog will get rebuke by ym... then cos her plot as according to her is very much worse than me so i won't get any sympathy... so write here hopefully she no see then wont rebuke me and ppl will sympathise with me... ym if u were to see this u pretend u no see k...

anyway ya... I AM SUPER BUSY!!! thankfully my comm teacher decided not to add on to our workload...

i am gg out with frenz, and packed with grp proj till i have no time, i mean i am only left with next weekend to do my individual proj which is 20% of my grade and all my hw and revision!! not to mention i usu take whole weekend to do my hw... and i am super dragged down by financial management... cos i am simply not interested...

it is not that i dun wanna go out with my fren, but if i go out it will be very irresponsible to my work... so i am limiting myself to the minimal outings...

sorry jieyi i cannot go shopping with u cos i am super bz!!

i need the recess to pass SLOWLY...

hehe... changed my blog template!! nice?!

super happy!! anyway i took a very short time to change... thanks to jieyi who helped me:D

love ya!!

anyway thinking of changing the person profile part to sth else... any ideas?

sad sad... i think i am super sad and super inefficient... i dun hav the heart to do any studying leh... but when i go out i will feel super guilty...

this ambiguous feeling is eating me!!!

anyway realised by blaw proj is 20% of my grade!! WTH!!

IT IS THE RECESS WEEK

Does this sentence sounds happy or sad to u? well, it sounded happy to me INITIALLY, but now it seemed sad... the recess week seemed to be some kinda sadist plot to torture the students by deliberately having many projs(most are last min) with deadline at end of recess week...

I really hope recess week will pass by very very slowly... i mean VERY VERY SLOWLY!!

I AM DEEPLY TRAUMATISED!!!!

today on mrt, i was sms-ing ppl... then there is this middle age guy sitting opposite me... cos when i sms, i tend to look down, at my phone instead of taking it up, it is then i regretted my very habit of doing so....

as i looked a bit up from my hp, i say the repoductive organ of the guy sitting directly opposite me!!! he is not wearing underwear and sit with his legs open wide and his reproductive organ hanging almost out of his loose shorts!!

F*** la!!!

I am truely and deeply depressed and shocked... initially i was like what's tt? then it come to my realisation that it is his reproductive organ so i quickly looked away... it is very revolting like as thou i am reading thru those disgusting STD brouchers juz that wad i see in pic is in front of me real life!!

#@@!#$$#$#%#%@~#%#@$&&^&$&$&$@&$...

I am in need of pomelo leaves!!!

hehe... found the jap guy that i like... know his name le...

he is from WAT... Koike Teppei - 小池 徹平... haha... no wonder i think he's super familiar...

my comm presentation are up!! wah lao... i looked super fat!!

anyway super sad la.. the comm teacher is sadist... put up presentation only today.. then gotta hand in 5 tasks related to this presentation on fri... no time la!!

i think i gonna be super bz!! how how... juz saw my biz law individual proj... almost fainted!! super long pages to read up on!!

anyone want book me book me now!! i super not free!!

anyway my schedule:
sat:
sun: RV-AJ clique
mon:
tue: IT
wed: AJ clique
thu: IT
fri: Acct + RV-AJ clique
sat:
sun:

got 4 more free days... my normal weekend is 3 days la... how's the holiday different? i still need to do my individual biz law proj and maybe meet up with frenz to discuss!! faints!!

my hair is super ugly... and i mean it...

trying to do up my hair with excessive hairclips complimented with hairband...

got some silver hairclips... haha... super happy!!

anyway watching this new show with 2 members of kat-tun in it... hoho... not only the 2 kat-tun guys, the rest of the jap guys starring are super cute!!

wanna copy this hair of this guy(yet to find out who he is).... he put like 5 silver hair clips on each side of his hair... super cool la... wanna copy.. but i have only 4 hair clips, and my hair is super short, surely shorter than his... and my hair colour is gone!! wanna go dye some time in oct... hoho...

Happy bithday Yi Hui!!

ok, after that forword, i shall continue with my entry... i am so looking forward my holidays... but then come to think of it, i have a bunch of stuff to do!!

1. Acct proj
2. Biz law proj
3. IT proj

4. Meet for Acct proj
5. Meet for IT proj

6. catch up with FM... lagging!!!
7. try to memorise some IT... well, according to hx, there's a IT quiz soon!!

8. Go out with jieyi and siling
9. Go out with yy, ym, pot
10. Go out with val, farah etc

erm... so much stuff to do... in like one week??!!!

i wonder when i can finsih my dvds...

cut my hair... super ugly la!!!

wanna dye my hair soon!!

After missing for the whole weekend, i am back here again!!! at lib 2...

Went for the basic fishing course on sat!!

haha... fishing is fun la... well, initially i reached too early, then later i hang arnd there... but all guys lor... then i very sian there for very long... started to read my cl book... then later they change seats to another table, (initially we at a table, then change), then i very lazy dun wanna move... then super far from them... then later i decided to go join the crowd, thou stilll sit alone... haa... finally a gal come along then got someone to talk to.... haha... super happy la... then i tag along with her for the whole trip...

fishing is not as boring as u all may think it is... actually it turned out rather fun.... we learned to tie knots and bait fishing... the knots part is super challenging... keep forgetting how la... then the fishing part is super fun... like keep anticipate for fish... and u reel back and aim for other part of the pond to cast the line... haha... i think i am quite good at casting the line... can cast quite far and accurately... but no fish wanna eat my bait... quite sad... i went to try out the left hander fishing rod.. super difficult to use la... almost sprain my hand cos it's rather heavy also... haha... the overall trip was fun la then in the end i got to know quite some ppl since the snr also go arnd to guide us... so somehow know... haha...

anyway funny things happen like someone cast the line till stucked in mid air(cos got net above) and some ppl's bait keep got eaten by fish but still no catch any... haha... my line got entangled with other's twice la... haa... funny...

Took mrt today then when the train stopped at je, i was at the doors rdy to alight... then on the platform there was these bunch of old ppl who are gg to board the train...

as the train stopped, they all rush to the doors i am at and hit the doors to will it to open when the doors did not open(if u take mrt, u'll know that the door always lag)...

well, i was quite appalled but later started to worry if the door suddenly open, will they hav enough time to take their hands away or else they will get injured... (again, if u take mrt, u will know there's this warning pic that says do not put ur hands on the door)

well, luckily none of them get injured when the door open... but upon the opening of the door, the juz rushed in recklessly, and me and the other alighting passengers have to dock arnd and eventually retreat into the mrt(as if we are boarding also) so that they dun knock into us... i am super scared that i'll get scolded if they happened to collide into me... (well, if u take mrt, u'll know tat there's always a sign or a reminder that tell u to give way to alighting passengers before boarding)...

eventually, i got down the train...

No, i am not blaming the old ppl... as u see, their actions, to put their hands at the door and not give way to alighting passengers are against the instruction and reminder... but the instructions and reminder are all in english, which i dun think they can comprehend... i mean even those highly educated passengers at raffles place cannot comprehend wad's to give way to alighting passengers...

ya, but back to the topic... juz typed this comprehension passage for my sister... it compares old ppl in the US and Singapre... the main thing that makes them so different is the language... US being a developed countries since many decades ago has establised english as a common language ... with every instruction in eng, the old can also comprehend and learn every new stuff that's coming up... whereas in sg, in which we have developed over the past few decades from an undeveloped country to a developing country to eventually a developed country, a common lang is not yet established among our current generations... even thou it is only a one generational gap, eg, parent and child, there may not be common lang... not all of ur parents know eng do they? becos during their times there still exist cl sch which they do all the education in cl.. thus, they may not comprehend el... thus they may not comprehend wad all those instructions on street means...

the el instructions to them, are alien lang, and their main purpose can be arguably said is to serve foreign tourist... so what abt out citizen? the older generation who gave their heart and soul to building such a wonderful place for us? why is there no cl/ml/tl instructions? no cl/ml/tl announcements? even when u provide these, u hav alr left out those who speak only dirlects or even illterate... but none of these are provided... and the old are confined to their own neighbourhood, not becos they cannot afford to go out nor is it they are too poor in health to do so... but it is the world that is full of alien instructions that detered them from gg out...

i am rather glad that i am born and educated when sg is in the developed stage.. thus, i can comprehend el which is gg to be our common lang..

i suppose when u listen to the same song at different mood, u'll have different feeling.. or maybe it's juz that some songs the more u listen, the better it become?
Was listening to jay chou latest album the other day... wasn't in a good mood cos all my work not yet done... so when u listen to the music u feel really pissed... then was listening to it this morning again then suddenly started to appreciate the music... it is like so nice la... was even swaying to the music... haha... i think moods will affect the interpretation of info...

strange right? usu it is clinche that music affects mood, but now i am saying it the other way round...

i suppose music don't affect mood, but it intensifies ur mood... like when u are sad, and u listen to a sad music, u feel like crying... when u are happy, u are likely to hum a happy tune... when u are sad, when u listen to sth happy, u will prob perceive it as noise that makes ur mood worse... when u are happy, u can still hum a sad tune without it affecting u...

slacking in the free access lab of nbs again cos of my 4hrs break... watching ppl buzzing arnd me, doing last min work, printing notes etc... quite enjoy the vibrant feeling here... thou maybe it can be quite noisy if u really wanna conc on ur work...

juz got thru my acct1 quiz... well, i supposed it is quite easy, but hopefully i did not make any careless mistakes...

In a relatively good mood cos i got my new puma bag with me!! hahaaha.... anyway i realised i finished the ink of 4 pens in one month... think is the pen lousy la... haha...

I wanna go out and play!!

also i wanna go out with jieyi!! no see u for so long!!

I am a good girl today...

Done the school work i am supposed to do, did the laundry(wash, hang, keep), clean and mop the floor:D

but drop things twice today:( drop my water bottle, and a cup of hot milo!! scaleded my hands T.T

yest, blooger dun wanna let me log in... anyway realised that my recess week is the week starting 25sept... got bluffed....

ANYWAY

Was thinking again to myself, if u were to be unhappy with a friend, before u flare up, imagine of times that ur fren may be pissed off with u, but bear with it since u are his/her fren...

Sometimes u may have said something insentitive to ur friend, u can sense ur fren being clearly unhappy over it but did not get flared up... OR, sometimes when u reflect, u suddenly realised that sth u said to a fren is clearly unsentitive but ur fren did not show any signs of unhappiness at u to u...

I supposed, a fren often bear with u when u are being unreasonable or insensitive, so in return, u shld do the same to them...

when u bear with it, the unhappiness will soon be forgotten... but when u decided to express ur unhappiness, relationship tends to strain... even thou u can well argue that expresing one's feelings enable both parties to know what is amissed becos one will juz spat out all the discontentment, and thus, they will be able to reflect and work on it so as to solve the prob, but u must bear in mind, most of the time, the unhappiness that u feel are unreasonable, thus there's nv a prob to begin with, and the expression of anger will merely make the other party have a bad impression of u and also makes facing the other party more awkward...

so the impt things is to bear with it... why must u bear with it? becos others also bear with u... so it is nv a onesided affair... u are not the party who is giving in all time... u may not realise, but the fact that ppl stays as frens involved bearing with one another...

Confucious said, ji suo bu yu, wu shi yu ren... what u dun desire, dun do it to others... if u turn it arnd, it can mean what u desire others to do to u, do it to others...

if u wan others to bear with u when u are being unreasonable, bear with others when they are being unreasonable...

actually we shouldn't be unhappy... cos being unhappy won't help to improve things...

but u can't help but being uphappy when things are not gg ur way rite?

well, i watched this drama then one of the character said that according to this philiosopher, human feel unhappy becos they can analyse and see what they are having and not having, and feel sad over wad they do not have; while animals do not think with such complicity, they simply see things that they have and is contented...

having is also a kind of not having... they are relative... so when u do not hav sth, think relative, and u may realised that actually u have got sth:D

Realised that sometimes it is better to hold ur frustrations for the moment...

Ren yi shi feng ping lang jing, tui yi bu hai kuo tian kong

no matter how pissed off, how angry, how unhappy or how disappointed u are, juz bear with it for the moment...

i suppose time heals... at the pt in time when a comment which hurt u is made, u may feel extremely frustrated and wanna scold/insult/assult the party who made the comment... the party may not know that he/she hurt u with his/her word, an honest mistake ... but as time goes by, be it a few minutes / hours / days later, u are no longer bothered by that comment anymore....

if u were to let ur rashness and recklessness rule u at that pt, u may end up upsetting the other party, and u are bound to regret it after sometime...

so keep calm and cool... if u can control ur temper, laugh it off or juz ignore it and change a topic... if u cannot control ur temper, juz keep quiet or pretend to do something else or get urself involved in other things such as sms-ing...

i think i am becoming a nicer person yeah?

hmm...

i am still dl-ing stuff thou i dun watch them... haha...

but one day when i am extremely free maybe i will watch la... (haha... p caught me redhanded watching ouran that day) afterall the banning i impose on myself is juz to make sure i dun waste time on too much entertainment and not study....

yeah, i am on schedule this week even thou i slacked so much... gg to do IT and FM later...

Acutally i think sometimes i am a very bo liao person...

Whenever things are gg smoothly and quite happily in my life, or maybe when things are getting as per normal and life is getting boring, i will always want to think up of sad stuff that is happening to me thou none of those are actually happening...

i will rake up some past injuries and think over it or to open up some healing wounds to examine them again, or to dig up some feelings that i have decided to let it stay where ever it is and willed it to be slowly forgetten... or if i have done all those and sick of it, i will imagine new pain that may possibly be inflicted on me and get myself all anxious and upset over it...

sometimes i suspects i am a pessimist but well, everyone out there strongly disagree and so do i...

maybe cos i love to write, and i only like to write sad entries(in my personal notebook), thus i will always want myself to be in some sad situation such that i will get the inspiration to write...

i write entries whenever i feel sad, my entries are most of the time not related to what i was experiencing, but the sad mood and feeling is expressed thru the entry... whenever i feel negative, the blank pages of my book is where i will dump my unhappiness and thus i will be happy again...

but i haven't been writing for quite sometime... i usu will at least write one entry a month... but now i seemed to be only able to come up with sentences... i supposed i am not sad enough... is that to be happy or sad?

happy that i am happy and sad that i am not sad such that i cant write anyth...

i think i am being boliao again... i mean i shld be happy since i am happy, why for make myself sad? but the thought that i am not sad makes me sad...

sigh... nvm...