Acutally i think sometimes i am a very bo liao person...

Whenever things are gg smoothly and quite happily in my life, or maybe when things are getting as per normal and life is getting boring, i will always want to think up of sad stuff that is happening to me thou none of those are actually happening...

i will rake up some past injuries and think over it or to open up some healing wounds to examine them again, or to dig up some feelings that i have decided to let it stay where ever it is and willed it to be slowly forgetten... or if i have done all those and sick of it, i will imagine new pain that may possibly be inflicted on me and get myself all anxious and upset over it...

sometimes i suspects i am a pessimist but well, everyone out there strongly disagree and so do i...

maybe cos i love to write, and i only like to write sad entries(in my personal notebook), thus i will always want myself to be in some sad situation such that i will get the inspiration to write...

i write entries whenever i feel sad, my entries are most of the time not related to what i was experiencing, but the sad mood and feeling is expressed thru the entry... whenever i feel negative, the blank pages of my book is where i will dump my unhappiness and thus i will be happy again...

but i haven't been writing for quite sometime... i usu will at least write one entry a month... but now i seemed to be only able to come up with sentences... i supposed i am not sad enough... is that to be happy or sad?

happy that i am happy and sad that i am not sad such that i cant write anyth...

i think i am being boliao again... i mean i shld be happy since i am happy, why for make myself sad? but the thought that i am not sad makes me sad...

sigh... nvm...