Optimism

I recently still blogged abty optimism but now my recent posts are so depressed...

Anw I feel much better after posting all my negativity... I guess writing out my negativity helps me to dispose of them at the same time...

Ok... I am a mood swing girl an some one who KEEP changing her mind...

Negativity

Wanna write something depressing at someone's positive Facebook post... But decided against it... Shan't dampen a good mood;) so shall write here...

My fren's post: "I know some times things can get tough but you have to push past the bad to see the good"

My response: Sometimes u have sunk too deep in and need time to swim back up... But sometimes again ppl keep pouring water such tt u are stuck at the same depth no matter how hard u tried... *ok I am depressed*

Path

Saw an old entry...

Paths. Two Paths too far apart to be called destiny, yet too close to be called fate...

I wonder abt my path...

Death note

Feeling stressed seemed to make my heart stressed... Tightness in chest...

If I die in the middle of the night, should be due to over stressed...

T.T

The overwhelming stress is coming again!!! Arghhh...

I realized if I talk to my colleagues, they will say, ya it is my responsibility to work on weekend or to OT to finish unfinished work...

I was convinced tt I was too slack to insist not to work on weekend...

But after working hard on weekdays to compensate and I still cannot finish and work continue piling... I realized the work are just too much and unrealistic to finish... And why on earth am I obligated to devote my life to my job...

Shld quit but the one mth notice is a hurdle... Cos even if I quit, there is one mth which I have to endure everyone Coming after me for unfinished work... Sighhh.... 进退两难...

Will quit within this year... Will not want to live this kinda unbalanced lifestyle le...

went zumba with yihui last week... she jio me for zumba cos she was reminded of my dance @ campfires during RVCO days...

well, ended up, i am really reminded of tt too when i do zumba...

missed my friends there... those who i still keep in contact is just a handful =(

how i wish, i can go back in time to visit them again.... those were really great memories of my life <3

wondering if i shld enter into a commitment of child sponsoring...

continuous money supply is quite an headache, esp with my insurance and saving plan which are fixed for the next 20 years...

seemed like wanna quit and disappear also quite mafan =(

arghhhh, commitment are tiring stuff... dun like to be tied =(

my fren say, i too kan kai alr... haha!

maybe we are brainwashed by the company to think a certain way, i.e. you should work on weekend to complete unfinished work...

for me, i think i am quite immune... but i work harder on weekdays to erm, avoid guilt... haha!

anw i think it is ur expectation of urself... if u are out to impress, maybe more pressure is there... if u are out to just complete ur work and live as an average joe/jane, maybe lesser pressure...

priorities in life... some times ur job screwed up ur character w/o u knowing... always keep in view of who u really are and what u really want..

suddenly feel like blogging again!!

wonder why last time blog everyday!! maybe student more free =)

anw arghhhh howwwwww... should i buy a $56 bucks jacket!!! thinking thinking thinking...

life passes whether you sulk or smile... i choose to smile =)

someone asked me, so is your peak over or is it coming? upon this sudden question, i found myself speechless as i really dun have an answer...

cos i cannot remember off-hand what has past, nor can i predict how the future will be...

maybe, i am someone who live in the present.... 把握现在, maybe i am tooo influenced by五月天... or maybe that is the mentality of many youths these day, to 及时享乐, as we dunno what will happen tmr... well, but that doesn't mean that i am a 月光族... i got save $$ de ok... haha!

anw back to the topic... i realised, humans, or maybe just me lah, have limited, selective memories.... for me, maybe i only choose to rmb things which i deemed is worthy... for example, from work, i only rmb what i have learnt, rmb the times i spent with my frens at work, the gossips;p... if you ask me what's for lunch yst, i most probably wouldn't rmb... for an asst which i ciriticised for past 1 mth, i alr forgot how bad he is alr... maybe i am just forgetful.. oops....

what i am trying to say is, since our memories are selective and limited, why do you bother to rmb things such as "I worked till 5am and slept 1h for one whole week becos of the job!" to consistently recalling and complaining to ppl arnd you even though two weeks have passed since tt job has ended, does it do you any good? not trying to 针对 anyone, but i just feel that, you are wasting your time and memory space remembering this.... does it do you any good? if it is so undesirable as you said it, why do u keep recounting it? or maybe actually you are secretly proud of the effort you have put into the job...

In view of many who are complaining abt their job but continued to stay on, i am sure there is sth which you like abt the job, be it the people, or the things you can learn from the job, or you are trying to prove yourself and prove other ppl wrong etc... so, just keep the positive memories of things related to these...

Instead of remembering that you have suffered, remember that you have learnt sth useful that will help you in the future/bring you closer to your goal... that will bring a smile to your face...

Instead of remembering the person who criticised you, remember the frens who stood by you to help and encourage you...

Instead of remember how biased things are against you, remember how things are biased towards you...

life is how you make it out to be, to wallow in negativity, or to beam in optimism... work is also part of your life so face it with optimism too =)

my yoga teacher always tell us to smile when we are holding our pose... and when I forced a smile on my face, i always find it more bearable and i can stay in the pose longer... maybe cos i am concentrated on try to smile and forgot the imbalance and the muscle stretch... so smile, and things will tide through more easily than you think it will be =)

I can understand the urge to complain...

but if you were to complain the same thing soooo many times, i wonder if you are secretly proud of what you are complaining about...


actually, we should not waste time on complaining cos, you are using a portion of your lifetime remembering and recounting an undesirable memory, which ultimately, does no good to you... forgot it and look forward =)

wow... back at blogging.... actually surprised that some of my frens continued to blog...

well, i am back cos i wanna find somewhere to post a longgg post and twitter and facebook are both unsuitable... twitter has words limit... facebook, well, too many ppl...

also, i have the luxury of using the computer... usually it will be hogged by my sis, and so i will write in one of my diaries.... haha!

why one of my diaries? cos i always cannot rmb where i put my diaries and so, i always have new diaries since i have so many notebooks.. heh... so i will try to locate one of those diaries and jot down my thoughts;)

it is good to see how the way i think has matured as i grew older... i learnt to be more compassionate, i learnt to be more understanding and see things from other ppl's point of view...
i am still ill tempered, but i tried to control..

i started to be proud of the optimism in me which i always tried to hide... I used to dislike the description of happy go lucky on me, and the word optimistic.... cos i thought that is sooo uncool... but well, i started to realised that optimistic ppl are really rare and hard to come by... and i am glad i am one of those... hahaha....

maybe i am not really optimistic but i am just optimistic that i am optimistic... hahaha... wadever... as long as i am happy =D